Carb Attack!

I recently logged on to Second Life, a 3D virtual universe that I heard about at an educational conference. I don't want to spend this entire journal entry explaining what it is, so if you're curious, check out www.secondlife.com for details.

Anyway, the first thing you do after joining (and a basic account is FREE) is to build your "self" in second life. I chose one of the default characters, but one of my first priorities was to create something more customized.

In the few days I explored in my default "avatar" I saw that there seems to be no end of creativity in the ways that people present themselves. I met a glorious dragon, fairies with lovely translucent wings, little animals, and lots of human avatars ranging from the weird to the wonderful. But for now, I decided that if I had a second life to live, I would want to live it as myself -- only thin!

Barbie beauties abound in Second life, as do leggy models with hair that moves and even realistic naughty bits. When I went looking for ways to update my avatar, however, I wanted someone who looked like me, only better. They say that inside every fat woman, is a thin woman screaming to get out. Well, for more than a few Linden dollars, I released that thin woman. I bought a body and face that looked as I imagined I would look at my perfect weight. Of course, it's about 25 years younger than the real me (I have not yet found anyone who looks old on Second Life) and has the "perky" breasts I wanted all my life. Sweet! I bought and wore several hairstyles, finally settling on one called "Flirt" -- short, brown, and cute-- for my day-to-day look. (I did keep a long, auburn style for when I want to look a bit sexier. But I just couldn't deal with myself as a blonde!) I purchased clothes -- a number of outfits that I would probably really wear, and several that I would never have worn in real life due to, um, bodily imperfections. I found glasses that look much like the ones I wear in RL (Real Life).

After about two weeks of experimentation with my avatar, I finally looked at myself in Second life, and typed "/clap" -- and the new me applauded herself.

In some ways, the Second Life Katje feels more like the real me than the RL Kathy does. and this is something I want to explore in this journal. Will my time in Second Life be just walking around in a "thin costume?" Or is there something I can learn by interacting in the world as the "thin me"? Is it a denial of who I am, or will it help a real "thin me" come into being?

Stay tuned....

After my last entry, I took a hard look at myself, my diet, and my goals to see if I could find the secret of why I was sabotaging myself. While I could not find just one reason o report here, apparently my soul searching paid off. I have now been almost 20 days without cheating on my Kimkins eating plan!

And it's working! I've lost almost 30 pounds!

Of course I knew that it would work, for it was not Kim or her plan that fell short.

On her site, Kimmer says that the diet is simple and easy. She's right -- the diet is very simple, and it is easy as far as buying, cooking, and following the plan are concerned. But it's not "easy" -- at least not for people like me. We have not only the weight to lose, but also our fears, our excuses, our preconceptions, and our need for instant gratification.

Let me be brutally honest: Kimkins is one of the strictest diets that I have tried. There is no cheating on this diet! The minute I cheat the weight loss comes to halt, the cravings return. But the good news is that the Kimkins approach is amazingly successful when one abstains from cheating. And I believe that Kimkins provides the best environment for making a journey toward total commitment to getting a handle of your weight, by providing support for your physical, spiritual and psychological journey. I believe that anyone who honestly takes that journey will eventually find themselves happily eating to the Kimkins plan and losing weight.

For people like me, carbs are an addictive substance, and a mind-altering one. Carbs rob me of my self-discipline and self-respect and keep me self-medicating with food. In this I liken myself to an alcoholic or drug addict. Kimkins has provided a safe place for me to clear my body of mind-fogging carbs so that I CAN look at the psychological, physical, and spiritual reasons for overeating/staying fat. There is no venting you can do on Kimkins that others have not felt or heard about before. The other members graciously share their wisdom, empathy, and encouragement. Kim herself is ever-present. There is no shame in falling short or falling down; you're simply encouraged to get back to your feet and get back on the path.

I stumbled and fell off the diet and scrapped my way back to being what I call "Kimkins Clean" a number of times since October. Each time, I learned something about myself, my body, or my addiction to carbs. Now, when I fall, I'm back on the path in a day instead of wallowing in carbs for three weeks. For the first time, I look ahead and have the courage to make the following commitment: "When 2007 ends, I'm going to be 120 pounds lighter!" For the first time, I really feel that I have a chance of attaining that goal.

Current Mood: determined

Looking back over this blog made me realize that along with looking at how I deal with "emotional eating," I also need to do some in-depth research on why I sabotage my dieting.

At first I thought I was just weak, lacking willpower or perseverance. But that can't be, I got through graduate school, I've had a great career. How could I have attained that without focus and perseverance?

So, I am off to do some research. I'll let you know what I find out. In the meantime, if you have comments, please feel free to add your 2 cents!

Well, that was a nice pep-talk I gave myself, and I got through Thanksgiving pretty well. But then over Christmas I got stressed out and the plan went to pot.

The worst thing for me about getting off plan is that it can take ages to get back on. And that's how it worked this time. I'd try and fail, sometimes not even getting through the first day. Sometimes I would make it through 2 or three days. FINALLY, I maade it to the 6th day. And now, I'm on the 9th day without cheating, and I feel that I am on my way.

And I am FINALLY back down to close to what i was before the holidays: 259. I try not to think of how much more I could have lost if I had just stayed on plan; it would depress me too much.

But now, I'm in ketosis, my hunger is down, my sense of well-being is up. Today I even went to eat indian food and ate only the tandoori chicken, about 1/2 cup of saag paneer, and some okra. No Naan (bread)! No potato dumplings! No chicken in a wonderful creamy sauce! No rice Pudding!

This feeling of being proud of myself is SO much better than the feeling of getting to eat whatever inappropriate thing I wanted to eat.

I'm still doing Kimkins. In fact, I am joining a challenge for February to lose 15 lbs. I'll report in here!

Amazing Kimkins Diet Success Stories

This article is very interesting and describes research that might shed light on one reason why we give in and "cheat."

I think I find the results of this study even more motivating. Even though some of us may have brains that might be "hardwired" in a way that makes us more likely to want instant (food) gratification, we have free will and in most cases we CAN overcome it. Now I can look at my staying on plan more as a heroic struggle against a genetic predisposition! And when I "cheat" maybe I can more easily jump back into that struggle because I will remind myself that I'm not lazy or bad...I'm fighting a very real predisposition.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/medicalnews.php?newsid=59500&nfid=nl

I have been battling weight for years and have given myself a moratorium on the diet through the yearly holidays...and where has it gotten me? Therefore, I am NOT taking a day off from dieting for the holidays.

I look at it this way -- if I give myself permission to be less than stellar through the holidays, I've lost two whole months. On this diet, that could be a minimum of TWENTY POUNDS for me! That could be 1 - 2 dress sizes for me! Now THAT's worth more to me than one day of pigging out.

Actually, having diabetes makes it a little easier for me because not only will I gain or not lose weight if I carb out, I will feel like hell, be tired, and have blood sugar that is dangerous. I want to be able to see and walk when I am old. That's worth more to me than any food. I made it through last year's holidays without dying because I couldn't have mashed potatoes or pecan pie. I can do it again!

Last year I stayed low carb, but didn't worry about fat. This year, I will watch the fat. I don't promise to cut it out completely, but I will stay VERY low carb through these holidays. I'll do K/E (Kimmer Experiment) as much as possible until then. I'll take low carb things to the family dinner -- shrimp appetizer, salad, green beans with almonds, etc. I'll eat the turkey. I'll take a very low carb dessert so that feeling deprived doen't sabotage me.

I'm not saying that this will be easy for me, but I know I can do it. And if I keep my head in the right place, I won't even suffer. Well, at least not too much.

But right now, I'd much rather wake up on New Year's Day 2007 and smile when I get on the scale, knowing that by NEXT New Year's I'll probably be thinner than I've been in almost 30 years.

Once I get to my goal weight, maybe I'll go a little hog-wild and have half a cup of my MIL's cornbread dressing on the holidays. But not until then!

I did go shopping today! I returned the clothes that had become too big and bought smaller sizes. What fun! I mean, the sizes are still very "plus" but being able to see the difference is wonderful! I bought pants in grey, eggplant, and black, a yummy Ralph Lauren pullover sweater that has cashmere in it (it's just a tiny bit tight -- but will not be for long!), and an Anne Klein sweater jacket and shell. All were on sale, so I did not feel guilty. I know that soon these will be too big for me as well! I have never bought really nice clothing like this because...well...I didn't think I deserved it.

And what a motivation buying smaller clothes is, as well! I am going to spend the next week on what Kimkins calls "The Boring Strict Diet" -- it is very prescribed, but the results are a weightloss of about 7 pounds a week. I am going to Philadelphia on Thursday with some students from the Honors program. I may not be able to be as "good" since I will have less influence over the food I get, so I am going to give a big push early in the week.

I had a planned "cheat" today -- I had not had Indian Food for over a month! I was so good, though! I ate perfectly low carb -- no rice or bread or anything with sugar or starchy carbs. I ate vegetables, saag paneer, and tandoori roasted chicken. Heaven!

I think I did fine on the carbs, though the fat was probably much higher than I have been eating. I am still turning the ketostix dark purple, so I feel pretty confident that I will keep dropping weight, albeit a bit more slowly for a few days.

I feel great! Energetic, positive, and more confident. Being stalled for almost a year had really sapped my self-esteem. Imagine what I'll feel like when I'm 20 pounds lighter at Christmas! :) I highly recommend Kimkins!

Blazing Fast Weight Loss

Tonight I went though my closet for the second time since I began this effort to lose weight. The good and the bad news is -- almost everything I own is too big for me now! I have lots of 26 and 24 clothes that need to find a new home.

Amazing!

I am sending my 26s to a woman I met at Kimkins.com. Some of them have barely been worn. For me, this is the best way of eating I've come across. Many others I've met on the Kimkins.com website are having the same success. Check it out!
Blazing Fast Weight Loss


Tomorrow, I am going shopping!

Current Mood: ecstatic

I'm still below my plateau weight! That's the good news. But, I made a couple of what I thought were small cheats, and I went from 257 to 259 in just a couple of days.

First, I broke my rule about eating out. I ate out wednesday noon, Thursday noon, Thursday night, Friday noon, and Friday night. Wednesday I was very good -- I went to my favorite Greek restaurant near the college where I work, They make--of all things--terrific hamburgers. They know me, and make me a little plate with the burger, no bun, tomato, onion, and about a cup of greek salad. The cheat was the cheese on the burger and the feta cheese in the salad. On Adkins, that would have been a legal meal, but on Kimkins, it's not because of the cheese. But, such a little cheat, right?

Thursday noon, a bunch of us from school went to Steak and Ale and I had the salad bar. No bread! Blue cheese dressing is low carb, right? But EEK, the fat!

Thursday night neither my husband or I wanted to cook, so we ate out and I had a small steak and salad. Oh, and don't forget that hot homemade roll with butter.

Friday noon I was stressed and angry over the latest example of crisis management at the college, and went with my Science department chair and husband to Texas Land and Cattle, where they had steak and french fries. I had baked chicken and a small ceasar salad. Then my husband got a dessert -- apple pie with ice cream and caramel sauce. I had to have two or three little bites.

Friday night some friends invited us to a mediterranean restaurant. I knew I had already had a sufficient lunch, but this was entertainment and socializing... and I had shish kebab and a small salad. Did I mention that the kebab was lamb?

Good heavens, it is easy to delude myself. I'll bet anyone reading this is exclaiming NO WONDER SHE GAINED WEIGHT! But you know, until I wrote all of this down, in my mind they were "small" cheats and the weight gain seemed unfair.

Once more, with feeling, Carbattackers:

1. Avoid eating out. Restaurants are full of pitfalls!
2. Plan! If you're eating out, have adkins shakes for the other meals!
3. Life is not fair! If I want to lose weight, I have to do what it takes. Not what I THINK it should take.

Even so, I have not despaired. In fact, I am laughing at myself. I remind myself of my 10 month old puppy -- loveable, but always trying to get away with something. As with her, a little discipline is in order. So, back to Kimkins Experiment for several days. According to the Ketostix, I have not left the light purple range, so getting back to strong ketosis should not take that long. And maybe the lesson will take this time!

Current Mood: amused

I did it! I'm off the plateau of the 260s! Sitting here at 259.4, I'm looking back at the plateau and determining NEVER to stay on a plateau that long again! Talk about frustration! And I'm looking forward -- to my goal of losing 20 more pounds by Christmas. So, I think that this is a good time to collect what I've learned over the past months and post them here so that I don't forget them!

1.Low carb is the way for me to go. For my blood sugar and for weightloss, low carb is what my body demands. Typical Atkins doesn't work for me--too much fat and probaby too many calories. For now, what works is Kimkins, and that's what I will stick to.

2. No matter what the charts and calulators say, I CANNOT eat 1800 calories a day. I lose weight best at under 1000 calories and 20 carbs. That's not many. So? Life isn't fair! (See #3)

3. Life is not fair. Get over it. I have to do what *I* have to do to lose this weight. That means sticking to what works and not cheating. No, it's not fair that I can't eat this or that. No it's not fait that the scale moves slowly for me. No, it's not fair that I can't eat carbs, or Halloween candy, or lots of yummy beef. It was also not fair that my mother died of a stroke and my dad died of heart disease, both fairly young. But I don't want to end up like them.

4. Plan ahead. Buy foods I can eat, plan a menu and stick to it.

5. Track! Keep track of every bite at Nutrihand.com and be rigorously honest about it.

6. Severely limit eating out. You never know what those people put in the food!

7. Eat breakfast. For some reason that seems to set me up for success all day.

8. Get enough sleep. Tired=weak-willed.

9. No alcohol. Tipsy = weak-willed.

10. Walk. Yes, I know you hate it. See #3.

Current Mood: happy

What a long strange trip it has been. I'm sitting on my 260 plateau, ready to fly off and glide down into the 250s once again. How many times have I been perched on the edge of this plateau and not been able to jump off of it? Or, jumped off, but immediately bounced back up? Too many to count!

This time will be different. How do I know that? Because I am learning important lessons on this journey, painful as it may be.

I definitely learned that I CANNOT eat 1800 calories a day. I don't care WHAT the calculators say. Not only do I not lose weight at that level, I actually GAIN. So, lesson #1 for today is:

Listen to MY body. My body is not like anyone else's. No two bodies are exactly alike. That's why no diet works perfectly for everyone. As someone said (and I wish I could remember who!), "It's your body; it's your experiment!" What that means to me is no one should feel like a failure if something doesn't work for them. Try something else based on what you learn about your own body! Sometimes that's not a quick lesson. I've been stuck on this plateau since last January and most of that time I have been conscienciously trying to lose weight. I realize now that everything I did that didn't work, or worked only temporarily, taught me something important. What did I learn?

Lesson #2 for today: Adkins doesn't work for me.

I'd already learned that lots of other "diets" don't work for me. I learned that I needed to do low carb for my diabetes, and Adkins worked great to keep my numbers down. But I didn't lose weight. How could that be? Well, it's because Adkins encourages us to eat all the fat we want because it has no carbs. I loved that idea! I'm a grease-o-holic. Yummy marbled beef. Hollandaise sauce on asparagus. Some people love carbs. But to me, bread and pasta were just a carrier for butter or other yummy sauces. (I'll admit that I did love sourdough bread, but the rest I could take or leave.) But I was eating under 40 carbs and still not losing weight. Why? Because too many of the calories were fat, apparently.

That may not matter for weightloss with some people. But I had to get it through my head that--greasaholic or not, fair or not--fat matters.

Lesson #3. Life is not fair. Get over it.

Like most overweight people, I have sought the magic pill or magic diet that will allow me to lose weight effortlessly. I have envied people who can eat all they want, who have tiny bones, who can't eat when they stressed out,etc. I've blamed my weight on my upbringing, my psychology, unrequited love, big bones, a "bad" body -- all unfair things that I have no control over. It's time to "get over it."

How I got here is no longer worth hashing over. If I really want to lose weight, I'm going to have to surrender to the knowledge that I will have to eat low carb and low fat for the rest of my life. In my heart, I knew that before now. But NOW I am no longer angry or rebellious about that. I have surrendered to that knowledge, and now I am willing to do what it takes to allow my body to shed that fat. Like many alcoholics, I will likely fall off the wagon along the way. When I do, I will have to accept again and surrender again.

I hope I don't sound depressing or sad about that fact. I'm not! In fact, I'm happier and more confident than ever that I will lose my weight! I want to be confortable in my skin, easily walk miles on my upcoming trip to Europe, and live a long, active life. For the first time, those goals seem REALLY achievable.

Current Location: the office -- shh! don't tell anyone!
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: tippity tapping of my assistant's keyboard

All right! After gaining eight pounds in two weeks after following the advice of an expert low-carber to eat not less than 1800 calories, I sought a different way to bust my plateau. I chose to join Kimkins.com for a couple of reasons.

1. It's low carb, which I have learned is the way I need to eat to keep blood sugars down.

2. It's VERY low carb, which I have learned is the way to keep my BG readings as close to those that a normal, nondiabetic person would have. In that, it is similar to Dr. Richard Bernstein's suggested diet for diabetics.

3. While it does have a low, one-time fee, you get a lot of perks from joining -- not the least of which is the fabulous group of people who are on the Kimkins journey together.

Kim herself, like my other favorite low-carber, Jimmy Moore, is a beautiful example of someone who is successful at the low-carb weight loss journey. Check her out here. Just scroll down to see her before picture. I liked the idea that she was once as fat as I was at my highest, and just look at her now!

But that's not all! (I sound like the guy on the Oxyclean commercial!)

Many other people who are active forum participants on the site have lost a great deal of weight on Kim's program (dubbed Kimkins because it is similar in some ways to Adkins). Their before and after pictures are inspiring, and reading about their successes and daily frustrations, reminds me that losing weight is a journey, that YMMV (Your mileage may vary) and each of us can learn to make better food decisions, deal with any inner food demons, pick ourselves up when we fall down, and experience the increased self-esteem that comes from being healthy, growing thinner, and making positive decisions about eating.

4. Kimkins is lower fat, and I think that's important to my weight loss (YMMV). Many people who eat low carb, can also eat high fat. There is a benefit to that -- fat keeps you satiated. But in my case, it also slows down or stops the weight loss. I am a fat addict even more than I am a carb addict. Bread has mostly been a vehicle for butter. I love beef, and sauces, and mayonnaise, and creamy salad dressings. However, since cutting the fat, I've lost weight faster.

You might say, "But you could have done that without joining Kimkins." My answer: Maybe so, but I didn't. Something about the combination of my own readiness to admit what I had to do, my determination to beat that 260 plateau, and the advice and support and encouragement available on Kimkins.com and from my other new friends in Jimmy Moore's 30-in-30 challenge have eneabled me to lose those eight pounds I had gained eating more calories, PLUS three more. By the end of the weekend, I hope to jump off the plateau and into the 250s.

I still have a long way to go, but al least I am on the journey!

Current Mood: good

A new week is beginning, and I thought it would be a good time for me to review my goals and my way of eating for the week.

I am going to start the week eating according to the Kimkins experiment; that is, eating nothing but lean protein for up to three days. This is supposed to be a good kick start by getting me into Ketosis. I'll drink lots of water as well, to flush everything out. Of course I will watch my blood sugar readings, but this should help them be very good. I may have to watch for lows.

I am going to plan my eating. That allows me to ensure that the food I need is in my refrigerator and also provides structure.

Tracking is important. I'll track my food (which means every morsel I put into my mouth!) and my weight. In a few weeks I'll track my body measurements, too.

I am going to "eat in" Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday so that I have tight control over how food is prepared. Keeping this promise will be difficult because sometimes I feel that I just HAVE to get out of the building at lunch.

And this is the hardest one: Exercise. I am going to walk SOME distance every day, even if it is only to the end of the block.

Oh, and I am going to make an appointment with my doctor, who is distressed that she hasn't seen me in almost 6 months. I love my doctor, but finding time to go pick up the referral for the blood test, get the blood test, and then get in to see her seems to present a problem. I guess I am not a very structured person. I need to be a BIT more structured.

Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Dixie Chicks

I joined Kimkins and promptly headed off for my conference in Austin. I had resolved to do as well as I could, even though I knew it would be very difficult to stick to the strict Kimkins regimen when I had little control (I thought) over the food.

It was hard. But I was as good as I could be! The first night my coworker COB and I walked about 6 blocks to a restaurant recommended by the concierge. I had a bowl of soup and a wedge salad with blue cheese dressing. Probably not as low fat as Kimkins, but low carb enough. (I can tell that the low fat part is going to be the hardest part of Kimkins for me. What I have always liked about low carb was that you didn't worry about the fat. But, for the first time, I want to lose weight more than I want to eat fat.)

I had planned to eat breakfasts in the hotel restaurant so that I could have eggs. However, I slept too late. So I had the leftover packet of peanuts from my Southwest flight and coffee with a splash of half and half. I met my VP and colleagues in the restaurant for lunch -- a couple of cups of salad with egg and cheese on it, some black olives, and buttermilk dressing. And more coffee.

That night, the conference reception presented a world of appetizers that I could not eat, but they did have roast beef, mushrooms, and a couple of other appetizers that I could eat. I felt pretty satiated. I did have a few nuts before I went to bed. The minibar,full of chocolate and crackers, beckoned to me, but I managed to avoid it.

The next morning was a continental breakfast provided by the Conference. I avoided that, but again woke too late to eat before the first meeting. Lived on coffee until lunch, which was Shrimp and pasta and a field greens salad. I avoided the pasta, skimped on the salad dressing, and ignored the beautiful piece of key lime pie at my place. Did I ever feel righteous!

For dinner we walked 6 - 8 blocks to a restraurant called Manuel's, where I had a cucumber martini (OMG! was it great!) and a poblano pepper stuffed with pork and a few nuts. No chips! Again, great low carb, but not good enough for Kimkins. And the next morning, the conference was supposed to present a breakfast buffet, but ended up giving us a plate breakfast with a small quiche, potatoes and fruit. I picked the small amount of egg from the center of the quiche, left the crust and fruit, and drank coffee.

I was relieved to get home, where I have more control over my meals. Today I had promisd my brother that I would take him to eat Indian food and I had one last minefield to negotiate. I did it! I had a little saag paneer, some sauteed vegetables (mostly mushrooms) a piece of tandoori chicken.

You know, I have always loved to eat out, but right now eating out is a minefield for me. So I will be redoubling my efforts to limit it unless I can plan well ahead. While I feel pretty good about how I negotiated the last four days, I know I can do better. The best part is -- I LOST 4.4 lbs!

Current Location: houston, texas
Current Mood: cheerful

The Kimkins plan is a low carb plan and her site includes coaching, forums, recipes, etc. I am not sure what her site has that is all that different from what I'm getting for free from the 30-in-30 gang. They really are great! But I've spent $29 on lots of stupider things, so it seems a small price to pay for a lifetime of support. It does seems to be a very well-organized site and everyone seems very nice.

I joined a Kimkins challenge for October. My goal is to beat my plateau by getting under 259.

I'll continue the 30-in-30 challenge (235 at the end of the challenge), and my supplements, as well.

Well, I can't keep doing the 1800 calorie diet.

I've gained eight pounds in two weeks. That means that I gained back the four I'd lost in the 30-in-30 challenge. Plus, I gained back more. Plus, I'm hungry ALL the time, craving the very things I cannot and should not eat due to my diabetes.

So, I am starting over. I'm going to keep on the 30-in-30 challenge, though I am about 8-10 lbs behind if I am to lose the 30 lbs in 30 weeks. I'm going to try the Kimkins plan -- I'll let you know how it goes.

Current Mood: cranky

I just returned from accompanying a group of students on a "retreat." We went to south central Texas, to a beautiful place called the MO Ranch. The students and faculty had a great time. The MO Ranch is on about 800 acres of hilly, wild former ranch land. In addition to trails and beautiful oak and pecan trees, there's the Guadalupe river, a chapel, a greenhouse, and other facilities. No scales, though! :) It turned out to be an excellent time for me to see how far I have come -- even if the scale isn't showing it.

When I climbed on the bus to leave Houston, I nearly died when I saw all the junk food the kids had packed -- s'mores makings, candy, moon pies, peanut butter, jelly, bread, little goldfish crackers, snack-packs of Famous Amos cookies....eek! We were going to eat meals in the dining hall on the grounds, and I had no idea what to expect. I had packed some Adkins shakes, and nuts, just in case. I need not have worried. The Dining Hall was very low-carb friendly -- I had no problem making good choices. I avoided all of the junk food (It seems easier since, from past experience, I KNOW how crappy I'll feel if I give into a junk food binge.). Only once or twice did I feel a twinge of "poor me," and they were short lived.

The place required quite a bit of walking -- much of it uphill. Though my calves hurt, I found the walking exhilarating. The first night, we went on a walking tour of the ranch, and I was even able to keep up pretty well with the pace of the youngsters. I could not have done that a year ago. Back then, (before diabetes diagnosis and low carbing) I was feeling so bad, so low on energy, and so fat, that I would have stayed in my room rather than take a hike like that one. I have to admit that I feel so much better now, and have so much more stamina! I felt so good after the walking that I think it will give me the impetus to walk around my neighborhood, which isn't quite as pretty, but does have large trees and squirrels to watch.

Every time we went for a meal, there was a steep (for me, anyway) trek up the hill, and then up the stairs to the dining hall. It made me feel that I had earned my right to eat, that's for sure! The servings in the dining hall were reasonable but not generous, but there was a terrific salad bar. Another treat was the "fair trade" coffee and excellent ice tea. NO soft drinks!

I had purchased some new jeans to wear on this trip -- one size smaller than the last time I bought pants. They seemed to stretch out as I wore them -- and they became uncomfortable baggy! I'll have to wash them in HOT water. Maybe I needed to buy pants that were TWO sizes smaller! I also noticed that a couple of shirts I took along that used to be rather tight, now fit perfectly...even a little loose. I don't understand this -- although I have been on this plateau for almost a year, it appears that my body is changing nevertheless.

I will step on the scale on Tuesday and see what's going on, but I don't think that I will be tyrannized by the scale anymore.

Current Location: home after a lovely trip to central Texas
Current Mood: rejuvenated

The theory is that I am eating too few calories to support my metabolism and that my body thinks it's in a famine. As a result, it is holding on to its weight for dear life.

I got in this mess because I was doing low carb and not counting calories, and I was not losing weight. So, I decided to count both carbs and calories. I chose 1100 because...hmmm...I'm not really sure why. Anyway, it is too low, and my advisor says I need to be eating at least 1800 calories a day. I feel actual trepidation when I see or say that number. 1800. . .It seems SO HUGE! I am afraid that if I eat that much I will gain everything back that I have lost. When I think about eating 1800 calories a day, I can actually feel my breathing constrict and fear-feeling in my chest.

I spent a great deal of time today on Nutrihand, planning a few 1800 calorie, less-than-30-carb days. It was really difficult! I don't think I can eat that much! And if I do eat that much, I'm scared that I'll lose what progress I HAVE made.

On the other hand, I tell myself, what if my advisor is right? So I have chosen to have faith in her knowledge and experience. I'll have faith even though she says I might gain a few pounds before my body figures out that it is not in a famine and begins to let go of the weight.

So, here I go...

I will still be taking the supplements as before. I've been feeling great, and my blood sugar readings have been very good.

Wish me luck!

Current Mood: scared but hopeful

Feeling so great after buying the clothes a size smaller yesterday, I hopped on the scale today. Bad idea.

I showed my diet regimen to someone I trusted and she exclaimed that my body must be in starvation mode. Only 1100 calories a day! Another friend suggested that I do away with the scale right now. A good idea, but I think I am too compulsive to totally do away with it. I'll compromise and agree to look at at no more than once a week.

I had the best time this evening. I decided to go shopping. I hate shopping for clothes because...well, let me count the ways. . .

Anyway, for once I had a great time! I bought two outfits in a size 22 instead of a 24! Talk about motivation! What a wonderful feeling to slip on slacks that didn't have an elastic waist and have them fit without a struggle! And to put on a 2X shirt that fit just fine! I have not weighed myself for several days because weighing every day was putting me on an emotional roller coaster, but I feel pretty certain that on "weigh-in" day on Tuesday, I'll have seen some significant weight loss.

Current Mood: ecstatic